Mascot Monday #9 of 12: Kisses

Here is something a little bit lighthearted (and a bit misogynistic) after abortions, bank robberies and murder.


So Upon Columbus Day He Kissed a Car Full.

The Old Maid Liked It, But the Married Woman Kicked

As everyone who was in New Orleans upon Columbus Day is aware, the streets were thronged with women beautiful and otherwise, who constituted a greater attraction than the procession. Many bachelors and even some married men were seen to smack their lips when pretty girls and handsome matrons passed them. It was but natural, and the ladies liked it. Providence created their mother in the Garden of Eden for the adoration and recreation of mankind, and they appreciate every involuntary tribute, whether exclamation or look, which evidences the appreciation of a man.

Without male adoration a woman feels lonesome. She has other gods, dress, silk underwear, jewelery, all manner of luxury, but without some breeched fool who protests he loves her, she is unhappy. Young or old, beautiful or homely, female critters, as Artemus Ward styled them, want men to love them. Love in this century is conventionally expressed by osculation. A man may blarney a woman as much as he can, but unless he kisses her she is not confident of his fervor. The kiss, the moist pressure of lips, is the nineteenth century proof of admiration.

On Columbus Day this was illustrated in a car on the Common street line. An elderly gentleman, who had evidently toasted the Genoese very frequently, boarded the car, put his fare in the box, and then surveyed his fellow passengers. They were all ladies. He evidently appreciated the fact, for he incontinently started in to kiss the whole outfit. He was impartial in the matter, to him everything in petticoats was kissable, for he began at the front end of the car and essayed to kiss them all. The young girls took his gallantry well, regarding him some what as a papa, but when he approached a stout matron and pushed out his lips, she gave him a look which scared him off.

Next to the matron sat an old maid, who pursed her lips scornfully when the old Lothario kissed the girls. However, when he approached her, her face softened and looked like that of a calf which sees a pail of milk at hand. After his repulse by the matron, the amative old buck bent to kiss the old maid. Up to then he had taken kisses, it was consequently a surprise to receive one. The old maid reached up as he bowed, clasped him around the neck, and kissed him with such heart that he was taken aback.

That old maid’s kissed cooled him off. It was too much, being the concentration of many years’ longing for the taste of a man’s lips. An old maid likes a kiss better than a toper likes whiskey. In consequence of the kiss, severals buds missed a salute from the old fellow, for it scared him off. The ardor of the kiss evoked visions of matrimony, breach of promise, divorce, and all the kindred evils which women entail upon men. He kissed no more. Fortunately for him he was white-haired, otherwise he might have had to settle with the male relatives of those whom he kissed. The enjoyment was not all his his, for the kisses took delight in it, and – as one of the young girls remarked – the married women would have also taken a kiss with pleasure had not she feared her husband’s jealousy.

The Mascot. October 29, 1892.

Ah, where is Gloria Steinem and a good can of mace when you need it?

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3 Responses to Mascot Monday #9 of 12: Kisses

  1. Dalton Anthony says:

    Hey: I found this blog because I did a search on the mascot after finding an obscure reference to it. You said you are writing a book on the magazine so you might find it interesting. These dockets weren’t pressed so I’m pretty sure I’m the first to look at them for a hundred years or so….from one research freak to another, here you go:

    New Orleans Public Library: Archives
    Louisiana: Criminal District Court (Orleans Parish)
    Case Number 10254
    State vs. Wertheimer Et Al.

    Mistress B. Wertheimenr
    One Miss C. Wertheimer
    and one Miss T. Wertheimer

    seventh day of January, 1888
    did assault and beat one E. S. Loeb

    Each of the defendants sentenced to pay a fine of fifteen dollars inclusive of costs, or suffer imprisonment in the Parish Prison for the term of fifteen days and pay costs, Feb 15/88

    Testimony: E. S. Loeb 3 N. Front Street
    Sworn: –

    Q: State the circumstances under which this assault was made?
    A: Last Saturday I and my three brothers and sister went to the Synagogue on Caundelet street to have memorial prayers for my mother. When I came out I had my sister on my arm, my brother on the other side and two in front of me. All at once I was struck a terrible lick back of the head while I had my sister by the arm, by this lady Mrs Wertheimer. I could not realize myself and these two ladies struck me. I was troubled and worried and could not realize anything, –
    Q: Both afterwards struck you?
    A: Yes sir.
    Q: You received a blow from their mother?
    A: Yes sir.
    Q: What were you struck with?
    A: The mother had a stick, sort of hickory stick of a whip stick; struck me with the large portion on the back of the head. I feel the wound yet.
    Q: What did the young ladies strike you with?
    A: They had large raw hides.
    Q: What else did they do?
    A: That is all. My sister fainted I ran to catch her.
    Q: What did they do with your hat?
    A: Mrs Wertheimer deliberately took my hat and threw it in the gutter. A new hat, I had a piece crape on it.
    Q: Did you ever give the accused any cause or provocation for this attack?
    A: None whatever.
    Q: You say you gave these people no cause for this assault?
    A: No sir.
    Q: Do you know the reason they assaulted you?
    A: Because these parties allegd I was the author of an article that appeared in the Mascot. I was innocent of this matter. I offered my services in every manner shape and form to find out, even had the clerk to address a communication to Mrs Wertheimer to go to the District Attorney, GRand jury and the Mascot, –


  2. sally says:

    Thank you so much! I love the downtown library archives. I will be sure and check out this case. I have found numerous cases where people mistaken as writers or illustrators of the Mascot were attacked. One included a Times Picayune artist who was beaten up by a group of medical students while he was sketching the hospital! I will also check the newspapers and the Mascot for this event. Thanks again!

  3. I appreciated your work very thanks

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