The Debut of a New Column!
Dear Abby, while she may be one of our beloved American icons for delivering advice to the lovelorn, the bemused, and the sometimes demented, it doesn’t mean she is always correct. Here to offer their counter (and correct) opinions on advice that Dear Abby gets wrong, are the sage and spirited Fannie and Django.
September 18, 2011
Fannie’s Response: Dear Goin’ Fishin’,
Of course your wife is being selfish and inconsiderate. Not only was Goldie there first, but she is obviously and unequivocally the superior companion on this sort of expedition. Without submitting to a very long list of other incidents where I am sure Goldie is a finer partner than your wife (and trust me, the list is long) let me ask you this – Does Goldie complain about the amount of beer you drink? Does she ever say she’s cold or worried that she’s missing “Desperate Housewives”? Does she fret about the sea air messing up her beautiful hair? Does she cringe and ask every time you put a worm on a hook, “Eww, how can you do that?” Does she whine about having to pee outside? Does she demand that you switch the radio station from sports talk to pop music? Does she bore you with talk about the bitch in her office whose low-cut blouses and short skirts attract all the flies and penises? I guarantee you the answer is NO!
I suggest buying your wife a small “pup tent” and letting her sleep outside if she wishes to go because the real pup will be sleeping on the bed.
Django’s Response: Dear Goin’ Fishin’,
I disagree. With a little compromise and some moving of pillows, I’m sure there is enough room on the bed for everyone to snuggle and have pleasant dreams after an adventurous day on the lake.
Fannie’s Counter Response to Django: Well, I know where you’re NOT sleeping tonight.
Straight Talk From Fannie & Django Masthead by Scott Frilot